Giggles and Crunchy

in a Rage!

 

An Interview with Ezine Clowns

by

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Ace Reporter

Rebekka Twaintoing

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Clam city - February 2004

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I have been sent to the hall of Ezine Clowns Local 001 to interview two of their spokesclowns, Giggles and Crunchy, about their protest of EOTU Ezine Editor Larry Dennis.

 

This hall is large, and full of benches but there are no other beings here now except for myself and these two clowns. In spite of their painted smiles and bright red noses, there is anger in their eyes and hatred in their voices.

 

No one in this hall except me and two pissed-off clowns! And it is my job to explore that anger.

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CLAM CITY NEWS:  Giggles, you have a smile painted on your face and your eyes sparkle with glitter but I sense you are angry. 
GIGGLES:  Darn right I'm angry. I've never felt so betrayed.
CCN:  Betrayed? By whom?
GIGGLES:  By the so-called editor of EOTU Ezine, Larry Dennis. 

CCN:  What did he do?

GIGGLES:  I don't know if I can say without getting violent and throwing benches or something.
CRUNCHY:  I can say. I can tell you all about it.

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[REPORTERS NOTE:  I had tried not to talk to Crunchy because, though I believe I am cured of it now, as a child I was terrified by nightmares of a clown who looked exactly like Crunchy. He would stalk me in my dreams, drooling, muttering over and over, "Crunchy Munchy!"]

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CCN:  Uh, g-g-go ahead, Crunchy. Why are you angry at Dennis?
C:  Back in the waning days of this summer, when EOTU Ezine first announced it was doing a humor issue in December, we here at Ezine Clowns Local 001 told Dennis we had to be part of the issue. After all, ezine humor is what we do. We explained to Dennis that if he was going to have any internet characters in his ezine or that if he was going to tell any internet jokes, he had to use Union Clowns.
G:  Yeah! And then do you know what he said! Do you!
CCN:  Uh, no. What did Dennis say when you told him that he had to use Union Clowns in his humor issue?
G:  He said yes!
CCN:  He said yes?
C:  Yes, he did. So we sat down at that table right over there --

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[REPORTER'S NOTE:  A large round conference table is seen through a glass window in an adjoining room.]

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C:  -- and began hammering out the details. We ended up with a contract for 42 clowns to deliver 157 jokes, pratfalls and pies-in-the-face in 203 pages of ezine.
G:  A very good deal.
C:  An excellent deal! Better than we give most of the joke-a-day sites on the internet.
CCN:  And Dennis agreed?
G:  He did!
C:  Yes, he did. But he didn't sign the contract. Just as he was applying his pen to the paper his cell phone went off. He answered, told us he was getting bad reception and was going to step outside for only a moment.
G:  But he never came back!
CCN: What, never?
G:  No, never.
C:  He hired scab clowns to do the December humor issue!
G:  That's why there's no good jokes in it!
C:  There's no jokes at all. Only Union Clowns can deliver good internet jokes. All he's got in that issue of his is riddles and puns.
G:  Old riddles and puns!
C:  So he has made an enemy of us. The Ezine Clown Local 001 is out to get him. Some time, some place, when he least expects it, suddenly out of the blue, wham!
G:  Wham!
C:  Pie-in-the-face!

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[Reporter's Note: I think these clowns mean it. I sense anger and hostility to an extent I haven't felt since I threw Jonga, my lover, out of our  hotel room on our last Grecian excursion. I wouldn't be surprised if in our next edition of The Clam City News we were reporting that Editor Larry Dennis received a well deserved pie in the face. Reporting from Ezine Clown Local 001, this is Ace Reporter Rebekka Twaintoing.]